Editor’s note: Yes folks… we’ve been slacking a little bit as of late, but here’s the latest video podcast featuring the fruits our recent labors. A delicious morsel of Metal in Your Mouth and Out Your Ass!

If you’re a metalhead and looking to do some serious cooking (or eating), you can purchase Hellbent For Cooking over at Amazon.com

PS: In case you were wondering… yes… we did make our own aprons. King of the Kitchen!

Editor’s note: I couldn’t make it through another Six Feet Under album, let alone a Six Feet Under covers album, so I decided to hand this one off to our good friend Matt.

Chris’ Review:

If you were worried (like me) about the world’s supply of cover albums running low, give thanks to Six Feet Under and Metal Blade for issuing their third (third!!) edition of death metal versions of “Graveyard Classics.” I know I’ve been railing for years to anyone that would listen, “There is so much great metal and punk from the 1980’s, and nobody knows about it! Nobody’s marketing it! There’s a gold mine waiting to be discovered and respectfully elevated to its honorable status, and you’re all walking around like zombies controlled by the “new music” piping through you ear buds. Wake up!” Finally we have friends at Metal Blade that ‘get it’ and assigned a talented, young group of death metal musicians to show today’s metal fans what they’re missing.

Ok, I just listened to Graveyard Classics III, and I need retract everything written above. As a collection, the album is a sack of crap. A couple tracks are interesting, but have no chance at redeeming the rotting, audio turds that should have never been unearthed from the cesspit in which they festered. (Hey, writing death metal is fun!)

There’s almost no theme to the album, so I’m going to have to break it down for you track-by-track:

The opening cover of Mercyful Fate’s “A Dangerous Meeting” reminds you of how good Mercyful Fate’s songs are, but does not make you want to listen to Six Feet Under any more. Most decent 80’s metal songs sound tougher when recorded in a modern production style, but that’s a tribute to affordable studio electronics, not the band. The same could be said about most the tracks on here.

The first Canadian import comes from the re-discovered Anvil. “Metal on Metal” sucked then, sucks now.

The next two tracks are from Slayer and Metallica. These tracks are decent, but how could a death metal band of any skill screw up a classic thrash track? It’s like congratulating an asshole on being an asshole. It should just come natural.

Our next Canadian clunker comes via Bachman Turner Overdrive. Seriously? See “Metal on Metal,” above.

Now honestly, without sarcasm, I did kind of dig this version of Van Halen’s “On Fire.” VH albums are barely listenable to me, but a competent, metallic version of one of their faster songs will make you nod your head. Barnes’ ‘grandma’ vocals ruin it, though.

This Exciter song sure sucks. Something about it sucks extra hard, but I can’t put my finger on it. What could it be? Oh, here it is! Exciter is Canadian. See above. If they move the Buffalo Bills to Toronto, one of the conditions should be that Toronto also has to take Chris Barnes.

Nothing says ‘eighties’ like Twisted Sister. And nothing says “Six Feet Under is fucking with us,” like Chris Barnes growling, “He’s gonna kick your ass!” at the end of this track.

This cover of the Ramones’ “Psychotherapy” makes it really hard to convince non-metal fans that death metal is not a joke.

Finally we have the album closer, a closet classic from the 90’s, actually, Prong’s “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck.” Any fan of Headbanger’s Ball of a certain era remembers this song (I’m one of them.) Checking back to Prong’s Cleansing album, these guys sound like nu metal before it was nu. I’m not sure Prong ever received the respect that a band on the bleeding edge of a new style deserves, and I’m not sure this shitty cover is going to help with that.

In summary, this cover album goes as most cover albums go. It feels more like an attempt to milk some extra dollars from the fans, and doesn’t do the covered or the coverers much justice. I have an album of Black Sabbath songs played on sitars that’s just about the same thing; I’ve listened to it once.

Crirs’ Rating:

King says: “I’ve got to start being more careful about who I give my publishing rights to. And what the hell is wrong with Canada?”

Matt’s Review:

I remember it well – about 16 years ago – when I first heard Cannibal Corpse’s cover of Black Sabbath’s “Zero The Hero.”  Even though I had been a Sabbath fan for quite some time (yes, even Ian Gillian-era), I had just started venturing into death and grindcore territory, as far as expanding my metal horizons was concerned. Regardless, I was still a green teenage musical whore and it didn’t take much for something to seduce my inner ear canals at that point, as long as it was heavy.  Needless to say, what can potentially be a very good thing can also be a very baaaaaad thing.  How else would you explain my brief love for Nuclear Assault?  Anyways, back to the point… I loved the first minute of the song.  It was heavier and doomier than the original.  Then the vocals came in.  That’s it.  That’s the end of my story.

Oh, I’ll just cut the crap already – I’ve never cared much for Chris Barnes as a vocalist (or as a musician for that matter).  Don’t get me wrong.  I know that his vocal style inspired a lot of other tone-deaf dude-bros with no sense of melody to start gutter-growling into a microphone, and for that I have to at least give him SOME form of props.  But like I said earlier, what can potentially be a good thing can actually be a giant shit sandwich exploding like an atomic bomb on a small country, radiating all sorts of shit-like deformities on everything and everyone it touches along the way.  Oh wait, that was the long version.  Sorry dude-bros, my bad…

After hearing the first two Graveyard Classics albums, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect on this one – heavier, down-tuned, unimaginative, pointlessly inferior versions of the originals with the same damn gutter-growling from start to finish.  Regardless, I was determined to keep an open mind and give the ole’ Six Feet boys a completely unbiased critique… assuming that I would be able to make it through the entire album without pulling all of my pubes out one-by-one, that is… turns out my will was strong, so my pubes stayed intact.

The first track, Mercyful Fate’s “A Dangerous Meeting,” brought back the same memories of when I first heard “Zero The Hero.”  I mean, what did I actually expect?  Chris Barnes to start singing falsetto?  Well maybe, but is it really that wrong for me to ask him to at least try not to sound like a total dipshit while singing someone else’s songs?  Weh-hell-hell, apparently it is…

I got much of the same vibe on the second track, which is Anvil’s “Metal On Metal.”  You know, there’s a reason why Anvil never ‘made it.’  They are simply a terrible band… and this is a terrible cover.

Now that brings us to track 3, Metallica’s “The Frayed Ends Of Sanity,” which also happens to be one of my favorite Met songs ever.  I must say, the rhythm tracks are pretty solid, but the solo is pretty damn sloppy and ruins it all for me.  This doesn’t make much sense since, well, the solo IS overdubbed and it IS possible to re-record it if it’s played shitty.  On the brighter side, Gall is a better drummer than Lars.

Slayer’s “At Dawn They Sleep” is actually one of the better covers on the album, in my opinion.  Sure, it’s nowhere near as good as the original, but it somehow suits them well.  Don’t ask me why.  Oh, and Gall’s fill at the end isn’t bad either.

BTO’s “Not Fragile” just plain sucks.  Bad choice.  Very bad choice.

Oh yeah, the same goes for Van Halen’s “On Fire” and Exciter’s “Pounding Metal.“  On a roll, boys.  On a roll.

Until now… they actually redeem themselves with Twisted Sister’s “Destroyer.“  It might be the only song on the album that actually sounds like it could be an original.  For me, it translates pretty well… although I’m not totally convinced that J.J. French (or even Dee for that matter) would be proud to hear this.

“Psychotherapy” by the Ramones is pretty hard to butcher completely since, well, it is punk after all.  As someone I played it for told me, it “sounds like Cookie Monster does the Ramones.”  I can just picture that Sesame Street episode right now -  a bunch of little kids are dancing around like idiots while the Cookie Monster hardcore dances and growls into a microphone… where were these episodes when I was a kid???

I can’t really say that they end with a bang, but “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” isn’t too bad.  They do a decent job with the music, I think.  However, it’s another one of those songs where it doesn’t really matter how the vocals sound because the original ones weren’t that great to begin with (sorry Tommy, I didn’t mean to bring you into this).

All in all, that makes about 3 somewhat listenable covers on this entire album, which isn’t exactly good since that also means they’ve managed to successfully botch the other 7 songs, in my opinion. At this rate, there’s no reason to believe that this shit storm will stop, especially since this is already their third installment.  Hmmm… something tells me that they enjoy pissing on amputated legs.

Matt’s Rating:

King says: “Fuck these guys… they broke the oath.”

Have A Listen:

Six Feet Under – A Dangerous Meeting:

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Editor’s note: Since I can’t stomach the House of Blues/Dollars anymore, (and I’m not a Prog super-nerd) I figured it’d be best to let Ed handle this one.

Ed’s Review:

When Mark first posted a note on Facebook regarding this show back in the fall, I have to admit I nearly shat myself while simultaneously letting out a massive spew of deranged and uncontrollable laughter into the calm air in front of me. Was this really true? Could all of these amazing musicians really be teaming up for one of the most rocking prog tours ever to grace the highways of our broken and depressed nation? Indeed… and after confirming with various other online metal sources that this tour was really happening, I made the decision that only a really sexy case of the swine flu (or some other poxy microbacterial agent) was the only possible thing that could derail me from witnessing this amazing night of rock in Chicago, and fortunately I was fit as a fiddle come showtime.

We warmed up early at Rock Bottom microbrewery (which is now becoming a ritual before most HOB shows, since it’s only two blocks away)… I started off with a martini and then moved on to a few glasses of their delicious 10% abv Russian Imperial Stout. We cleared out around 5pm to catch Scale the Summit, but in typical House of Blues fashion (and the Metro does this also) Scale the Summit were forced to begin playing right as the doors opened, and the line of kids was still all the way around the damn block. We were at the end of the line, so by the time we got in the door Scale the Summit only had about three songs left in their short half hour set. Fortunately we were able to catch “Dunes” which sounded amazing, as did “The Great Plains” – a fantastic song in which the glorious dueling guitars of Chris Letchford and Travis Levrier cut through the club in perfect synchronicity. STS is a great band, and they sounded great this evening.

I don’t know if anything could have prepared me for what was coming up next.

Devin Townsend has not performed live in almost three years, and the busiest man in metal is currently smack in the middle of recording and releasing not one but FOUR new studio albums (the latest being #2, Addicted featuring the extremely talented Anneke Van Giersbergen on vocals, formerly of Dutch metal-turned-gazer arena outfit The Gathering), so one could only wonder what this live performance was about to consist of. Sure enough, Devin stormed on stage and blasted into his set armed with a clean, stripped down 4-piece rock band and sounded more intense than I’ve ever heard in the past. Perhaps his new found sobriety has actually strengthened his focus and notoriously powerful stage presence (Metallica could learn a thing or two from Devin these days) or perhaps his mind-blowing vocal range and excellent songs are just that great to begin with, but this was one of the most striking performances I’ve seen from anyone in years, let alone Devin himself. “Supercrush!” sounded great, as did “Kingdom“… his vocals soaring over the huge guitar tones and spot-on drumming that brought about a whirlwind of crushing epic space metal clarity, almost as if a parallel universe were temporarily created inside the club. I found myself simply busting into random spurts of laughter and amazement throughout this set, which hasn’t really happened since seeing Slayer or Helmet back when I was a wee lad in diapers. Thank you Devin for the best live performance of the evening, and one that will most likely be placed in my favorites for a long, long time to come.

Cynic took the stage and sounded good, although vocalist/guitarist Paul Masvidal appeared a bit tired and the songs seemed to be performed at a slightly slower tempo than on the recordings, which was interesting but didn’t exactly serve the songs very well. The set consisted almost entirely of Traced In Air material, and it was very nice to hear “King of Those Who Know” which they did not play during their last visit on tour with Meshuggah a year ago. They also performed a brand new song which sounded great and had some very spaced-out, delayed-guitar licks with lots of interesting melodic vocals from Masvidal as well. Overall Cynic played a tight set, but I thought last year’s performance opening for Meshuggah was far more dynamic.

Between The Buried and Me finally came on last, and considering about 85% of the all ages crowd showed up to see this band, we decided to head for the bar in the very back of HOB and watch a few songs from there in order to avoid the amped up and hormonal adolescent crowd. Of course, this overly-talented band sounded and performed at the top of their game, busting out plenty of material from their newest opus The Great Misdirect and sending almost the entire HOB floor into a huge moshing frenzy. However, my mind was already charred from the opening acts… and I still couldn’t help but think about how much Devin Townsend simply blew everyone else off the stage.

Ed’s Rating:

King says: “With this much PROG in the air, there’s a decent chance I could resurrect Melissa by night’s end!”

Mark’s Review:

People will tell you that becoming a new parent is one of the best things ever.  They say it will make you a better person and strengthen the bonds you’ve made with your spouse.  For the most part this is true, but what they don’t tell you is that for the first year, you’re trapped in the house, worrying about money and craving sleep.  You also try to be there more for your significant other, because now more than ever, you’re a team and you need that emotional support.  But, I’m still learning on how to do this “Dad” thing, so when I learned of this tour, I gleefully left my wife and our 3-month old daughter for a late night of beer drinking and progressive metal at the House of Blues.

You’ve heard me rave about Scale the Summit before, but seeing them play live was absolutely awesome.  They only played five songs, and we missed the first two because we were standing in line waiting to get inside the House of Blues (succumbing to their completely asinine policy of starting the show exactly when the doors are opened).  Luckily, we pushed our way past some girls and teenagers and were planted center-stage when they fired up one of my faves from Carving Desert Canyons: Dunes.  The song is huge, with harmony guitar tapping weaving it’s way through the final minutes, and the band nailed ever nuance effortlessly.  Flanked by scrolling LED amplifier-marquees, their performance of City in the Sky made me realize how much I sucked playing an instrument at their age… and how much I still suck now.  I liked them so much, I bought one of their t-shirts after the show, which is something I haven’t done in at least 10 years.

The man of the night was Devin Townsend.  I’ve seen him lead Strapping Young Lad a few times, but I’ve been anticipating seeing him play his solo material for years.  Once this show was announced, I made sure my calendar was cleared, because there was no way I was missing it.  The last time I saw Devin at the first Sounds of the Underground tour, he was “under the influence” and apathetic as he signed my ticket stub at a meet-and-greet.  Now, he’s freshly bald, clean and sober, and seemingly more focused and driven than ever.  Showing how powerful modern music technology can be in the hands of someone with a real dangerous knowledge of it, he used a MacBook Pro to trigger the chorus effects and keyboard accents and made his band of four members sound like ten.  His voice soared and slayed during Kingdom, and his rendition of Supercrush! made me forget the Anneke Van Giersbergen vocals featured on the album version.  The set ended with Ziltoid’s By Your Command, which completely crushed the audience full of Devin geeks and new converts who stood wanting more from the Canadian metal genius.  A note to Devin: I could’ve dealt with at least 2 more hours, 30 minutes was way too short.

Cynic was solid, but after witnessing the grandness of DTB, they seemed like a letdown.  Although still amazing, the band seemed to be on cruise control and lacked the same intensity they displayed last February when they opened for Meshuggah.  Sticking mostly to Traced in Air material wasn’t a bad thing, because King of Those Who Know was the highlight of their set, but I kept holding out for a rendition of Uroboric Forms that unfortunately never came.  They also debuted a new song Wheels Within Wheels which displayed a heavy Porcupine Tree influence, while remaining distinctly Cynic.  One thing is true, I’d like to subscribe to Paul Masvidal’s newsletter on leading a balanced life, because that guy really seems to get it.  I’ve seen them twice in about a year at House of Blues, and am beginning to feel that they deserve a headlining show at a venue like the Park West that caters to their fans and their sound.

After all this, Between the Buried and Me was an afterthought.  I like these guys, but I really can’t get into their “cramming as many complex and irrational musical themes together into one song” style of songwriting.  I want to get into them, but it’s hard when they keep interrupting awesome metal riffs with polka interludes.  We stayed for a couple of songs, then left to see the end of the Vikings-Saints NFC title game.  We had perfect timing, we saw Favre throw the interception, the final field goal in overtime, and an over-served, 50-year old man fall down the stairs.  The truly amazing thing is that my bill for parking ($33 for 7 hours) and one, 24oz Miller Lite at the House of Blues ($10+ $1 tip) was more than the cost of the ticket ($20 with fees) and my Scale the Summit t-shirt ($15)!  There I go… worrying about money like a true old man.

Mark’s Rating:

King says: “I was going to make it to this show, but was too busy cutting some tracks for the new Usurper!”