This year’s decision to attend the Wacken Open Air festival came about under some excellent circumstances. My wife and I set our wedding date for August 1st, 2010 about a year ago, but it wasn’t until earlier this Spring that we realized that Wacken was kicking off just four days after our wedding day in northern Germany! Thus, an entire 3-week honeymoon trip of Europe was planned… all beginning with three days at WACKEN! Sound too good to be true? In retrospect, it really was. And I’m not just talking about the music here. The wonderful and hospitable village community, metal vendors, camping, food, beer, and countless conversations with friendly and open-minded extreme music enthusiasts of all ages from around the world really made this one of the greatest experiences of my life.

We were picked up by a bus company on the evening of Wednesday, August 4th in Berlin. Joining us were five Russians who had also flown into Berlin, all in their early-to-mid 20’s. The driver and his girlfriend were German, so some interesting conversation took place over the next few hours mainly dealing with language barriers and metal. When we arrived in Wacken around midnight, the head of the bus company (a scrawny German metalhead who was completely piss drunk) gave us our tickets and then gave us a lot of shit for recently getting married. He kept asking “ARE YOU SURE??? ARE YOU SURE???” and laughed hysterically, all the while still holding on to our tickets. He did this about five times (!). Although the guy was kind of funny, he was acting like a bit of a douche in my opinion, or maybe I was just ready for a beer after four hours in the van. Just as I was about to call him out on being a wanker and to give us our damn tickets already, he finally gave us our tickets.

AND SO WE HAD ARRIVED!

There is no way to accurately describe how large this festival is: 80,000 camping just outside the festival barriers, and add to that a few acres of stage/audience area, others areas for merchandise vendors, supermarkets, food courts and beer gardens inside the festival, and then picture the entire outlying village community also taking part in the festival with local residents happily working very well-priced food kiosks, portable bars, beer gardens (cranking metal), and craft tables stretching about 1-2 miles into the center of the village. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

Day #1, Thursday 08/05/2010.

Breakfast and coffee went down well, and it was time for the grand introduction.

Only a few major bands in the evening today: Alice Cooper, Motley Crue, and then Iron Maiden headlining. I bought a couple of shirts as we browsed the hundreds of merch tents earlier in the day. As we went to grab some food and beer around lunch time, two Norwegian kids who were completely shit-faced decided to approach Kate and tell her how pretty she was (and how ugly I was). The whole thing was pretty damn hilarious… one of them even told us he was on his third bottle of Jack. The fact that anything more than two bottles is enough to put a kid like this in the hospital told me he was full of shit, but I went along with it anyway. Hey… it’s a festival!

I refused to take any photos of Motley Crue because frankly, they suck, and big surprise, their performance sucked too. Here’s a nice view of the dual stages AFTER they were finished playing (everyone seemed relieved that Vince Neil and his “Crue” of untalented pricks finally left the stage).

Didn’t see much of Alice Cooper, but his performance appeared to be quite good, with several bloody stage props in full use.

Iron Maiden played the exact same set as they did in Chicago a few weeks earlier (all new material) but the sound was far better and the audience didn’t appear to have the same cockroach up their ass like in Chicago. We didn’t watch the entire set, but it sure as hell sounded pretty damn tight to me… after all, it’s Iron Maiden.

And that was about it for Day #1. We drank some beer, chatted with a couple of highly intelligent German kids and a few blokes from London who were camping next to us, and then went to bed.

Day #2, Friday 08/06/2010

RISE AND SHINE!

Lots of music today! Excitement was starting to brew in my belly after the delicious eggs and coffee we had in the town. Amorphis was playing very early and we had to check them out. I’ve always been a fan of this interesting band from Finland, who have grown steady more melodic in recent years while still retaining a progressive/psychedelic vibe that is all their own. The set spanned from the classic “Tales of the Thousand Lakes” all the way through their new material. Great set.

We had an hour or two to kill next, so we decided to enter a section of the festival known as “Wacken Village”. This is basically Wacken’s answer to Reniassance Fair, with people dressed up in pilgrim and medieval attire and a few magicians doing bizarre stuff using metalhead volunteers as bait. It all seemed pretty harmless, until we noticed this poor bastard.

Possibly one of the best performances of the festival was next: VOIVOD. I saw them back in March in Chicago with Kreator and Nachtmystium (a bit of a drunken night for me) and it was a true honor to catch them again at Wacken with a few more brain cells intact this time around. The tones were immaculate, intensity was top notch. Snake was in full form and the audience was crazy. I will also say their new guitarist Dan Mongrain (Martyr, ex-Gorguts) is absolutely phenomenal and once again more than nailed Piggy’s complex and amazing riffage (RIP Piggy). Voivod killed it.

We caught a little bit of Kamelot, a power metal band with some decent pyro going on (criminal side note: a slothy, pseudo-hippie looking asshole tried to pick-pocket me during this performance, to which I screamed some awful obscenities to both him and his girlfriend in response. They backed off very quickly, and fortunately nothing got physical).

One of the funnier moments of the day was when the singer from Kamelot tried to get some audience participation going on during a Halford-esque breakdown… but suddenly this appeared, completely distracting the audience from singing along with him. Nice try anyway dude.

We then walked around some more and even caught a glimpse of (drum roll please)… A HEAVY METAL MARCHING BAND!

Next up was Tarja Turunen, former vocalist of Finland’s fantasy metal/melodrama-laced celebrity outfit Nightwish. My wife is a huge Nightwish fan, so we decided to check out Tarja’s set. We found it funny that Wacken placed Tarja’s performance at the exact same time as Arch Enemy’s, which we didn’t think was a coincidence at all. Although I was unfamiliar with Tarja’s material, her voice was absolutely stunning and the backing band was tight as hell, especially the drummer who was incredible.

SLAYER. The crowd went completely insane right off the bat. Fans flooded the entrances so rapidly that very loud announcements came on in German saying they had reached full capacity in front of the main stage. We tried to get in the entrance to the main stage anyway but were pushed back out by security. We managed to enter through a side entrance and walked through the back of the crowd toward a smaller stage, where Ihsahn was about to begin playing. Slayer sounded great, but it was difficult to get close to the stage or get a clear view of anything for that matter. Sounded good though!

We got inside a tent that housed the Headbangers Stage, where ex-Emperor frontman Ihsahn was playing. His backing band consisted of all six members of the Norwegian progressive outfit Leprous, who were also amazing in their own right. This was truly a highlight of Wacken: Ihsahn supported by a full backing band with two additional guitarists and three vocalists. All the guitar harmonies and vocal layers absolutely soared with greatness. I am now convinced, both on recordings and in a live setting, that Ihsahn’s solo material completely knocks anything Emperor has ever done out of the sky in just about every musical aspect imaginable.

We were dead tired after Ihsahn since it was after 1am, so off we went back to the tent to rest up for the final day… but not before checking out Anvil for a few minutes. Lips was in the middle of an interesting rant about how he’s not a metalhead, but actually a hippie, and then the band jumped right into “Weed Assassins”. We figured that was a pretty good cue to go to bed.

Day #3, Saturday 08/07/2010.

Not quite as crazy of a band schedule on the final day, although there were a few highlights: Unleashed, Cannibal Corpse, and the mighty IMMORTAL closing out the festival. I started drinking beer around 11am (hey, it was the final day) and spent the first few hours after breakfast walking around the town stopping at various beer gardens in order to try every different kind of German pilsner that I could get my hands on before the rock started. In retrospect, it was a fun but the daytime drunkenness also made me forget to put sunscreen on, which resulted in both physical sunburn pain and emotional torment from fellow festival goers later in the day.

We arrived to the stage area just as Unleashed was setting up on the Black Stage, and as you can see there is no sign of anyone leaving Wacken just yet.

Unleashed kicked my ass. Here is a band whose roots go back to Nihilist, some of the earliest and nastiest 80’s Swedish death metal imaginable – and whose demos became highly influential to scores of extreme players following them. While Unleashed has always been simple and to the point, twenty years of this kind of intensity definitely shined in a great performance. The crowd loved it too.

We had a bit of time to kill, so we went to the Wacken info center and charged our cell phones for a while. We had a very long conversation with an Israeli guy who was very friendly so we started buying him beers, and then a Wacken staff lady came up and put sugar crystals on my tongue (???) to help my sunburn. Huh? We bid our farewell to the Israeli dude and headed back out to the stage area and at this point several Germans and additional Wacken staff gave me a lot more shit for my sunburn as we walked toward the stages. Sorry everyone… I DIDN’T REALIZE IT WAS FUCKING ILLEGAL TO GET SUNBURNED IN GERMANY.

So go ahead and laugh… everyone else did (FYI – I enhanced this photo for self-deprecating purposes). I guess it is pretty damn hilarious looking at it now.

Anyway, Cannibal Corpse was in the middle of a very crazy set. I’ve never been the biggest fan of this death metal machine of a band, but they sounded tight. I also enjoyed the singer’s extremely dry sense of humor in between songs… genius in fact.

As Cannibal was rocking, this was also an entertaining sight and literally came out of nowhere. What do they call this? Tube surfing? (sorry, lame joke)

We then ran into these two idiots walking around behind the crowd as Cannibal finished their set. Performance art, perhaps? Nah… more like wankery.

We had finally made it to the final act of the night… IMMORTAL. By this time my wife was also pretty lit up from the beers (I think she deserved it after dealing with my intoxicated ass all day up until that point)… and so IMMORAL began.

IMMORTAL was one of the most intense sets of the weekend, if not the best of the entire festival. I missed the infamous show with Manowar several years ago that all my friends caught in Aurora (IL) so the anticipation for this was huge. Little did I know that three individuals could create such a monstrous sound, surpassing Slayer and probably every other act on the main stage during the course of the festival.

Then suddenly these guys decided to have a little too much fun… RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. Not sure how IMMORTAL would feel seeing what these fans were up to during their performance. Talk about disrespect!

And so the music was over! Actually, Soulfly was playing dead last, but sorry Max… we had to get to bed. A midnight snack before sleep sounded good.

We woke up the next morning, packed our bags, ditched the tent, grabbed a bagel and coffee, and made it on the bus by 9am.

In summary, this was easily the best festival I have ever attended in my entire life… period. If you like extreme music and great people, do yourself a favor and check out Wacken Open Air sometime before you die. I’m not sure what else to say – check the line-up, be sure to buy your tickets early, and have FUN. We were in Europe for another 2 1/2 weeks after Wacken, and this was a great place to start.

Finally, here’s a quick video that my wife shot of our neighbors in the campground sometime during the last day of the festival, which pretty much sums up the entire experience.

WACKEN!!!!

Chris’ Review:

If you were worried (like me) about the world’s supply of cover albums running low, give thanks to Six Feet Under and Metal Blade for issuing their third (third!!) edition of death metal versions of “Graveyard Classics.” I know I’ve been railing for years to anyone that would listen, “There is so much great metal and punk from the 1980’s, and nobody knows about it! Nobody’s marketing it! There’s a gold mine waiting to be discovered and respectfully elevated to its honorable status, and you’re all walking around like zombies controlled by the “new music” piping through you ear buds. Wake up!” Finally we have friends at Metal Blade that ‘get it’ and assigned a talented, young group of death metal musicians to show today’s metal fans what they’re missing.

Ok, I just listened to Graveyard Classics III, and I need retract everything written above. As a collection, the album is a sack of crap. A couple tracks are interesting, but have no chance at redeeming the rotting, audio turds that should have never been unearthed from the cesspit in which they festered. (Hey, writing death metal is fun!)

There’s almost no theme to the album, so I’m going to have to break it down for you track-by-track:

The opening cover of Mercyful Fate’s “A Dangerous Meeting” reminds you of how good Mercyful Fate’s songs are, but does not make you want to listen to Six Feet Under any more. Most decent 80’s metal songs sound tougher when recorded in a modern production style, but that’s a tribute to affordable studio electronics, not the band. The same could be said about most the tracks on here.

The first Canadian import comes from the re-discovered Anvil. “Metal on Metal” sucked then, sucks now.

The next two tracks are from Slayer and Metallica. These tracks are decent, but how could a death metal band of any skill screw up a classic thrash track? It’s like congratulating an asshole on being an asshole. It should just come natural.

Our next Canadian clunker comes via Bachman Turner Overdrive. Seriously? See “Metal on Metal,” above.

Now honestly, without sarcasm, I did kind of dig this version of Van Halen’s “On Fire.” VH albums are barely listenable to me, but a competent, metallic version of one of their faster songs will make you nod your head. Barnes’ ‘grandma’ vocals ruin it, though.

This Exciter song sure sucks. Something about it sucks extra hard, but I can’t put my finger on it. What could it be? Oh, here it is! Exciter is Canadian. See above. If they move the Buffalo Bills to Toronto, one of the conditions should be that Toronto also has to take Chris Barnes.

Nothing says ‘eighties’ like Twisted Sister. And nothing says “Six Feet Under is fucking with us,” like Chris Barnes growling, “He’s gonna kick your ass!” at the end of this track.

This cover of the Ramones’ “Psychotherapy” makes it really hard to convince non-metal fans that death metal is not a joke.

Finally we have the album closer, a closet classic from the 90’s, actually, Prong’s “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck.” Any fan of Headbanger’s Ball of a certain era remembers this song (I’m one of them.) Checking back to Prong’s Cleansing album, these guys sound like nu metal before it was nu. I’m not sure Prong ever received the respect that a band on the bleeding edge of a new style deserves, and I’m not sure this shitty cover is going to help with that.

In summary, this cover album goes as most cover albums go. It feels more like an attempt to milk some extra dollars from the fans, and doesn’t do the covered or the coverers much justice. I have an album of Black Sabbath songs played on sitars that’s just about the same thing; I’ve listened to it once.

Chris’ Rating:

King says: “I’ve got to start being more careful about who I give my publishing rights to. And what the hell is wrong with Canada?”

Matt’s Review:

I remember it well – about 16 years ago – when I first heard Cannibal Corpse’s cover of Black Sabbath’s “Zero The Hero.”  Even though I had been a Sabbath fan for quite some time (yes, even Ian Gillian-era), I had just started venturing into death and grindcore territory, as far as expanding my metal horizons was concerned. Regardless, I was still a green teenage musical whore and it didn’t take much for something to seduce my inner ear canals at that point, as long as it was heavy.  Needless to say, what can potentially be a very good thing can also be a very baaaaaad thing.  How else would you explain my brief love for Nuclear Assault?  Anyways, back to the point… I loved the first minute of the song.  It was heavier and doomier than the original.  Then the vocals came in.  That’s it.  That’s the end of my story.

Oh, I’ll just cut the crap already – I’ve never cared much for Chris Barnes as a vocalist (or as a musician for that matter).  Don’t get me wrong.  I know that his vocal style inspired a lot of other tone-deaf dude-bros with no sense of melody to start gutter-growling into a microphone, and for that I have to at least give him SOME form of props.  But like I said earlier, what can potentially be a good thing can actually be a giant shit sandwich exploding like an atomic bomb on a small country, radiating all sorts of shit-like deformities on everything and everyone it touches along the way.  Oh wait, that was the long version.  Sorry dude-bros, my bad…

After hearing the first two Graveyard Classics albums, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect on this one – heavier, down-tuned, unimaginative, pointlessly inferior versions of the originals with the same damn gutter-growling from start to finish.  Regardless, I was determined to keep an open mind and give the ole’ Six Feet boys a completely unbiased critique… assuming that I would be able to make it through the entire album without pulling all of my pubes out one-by-one, that is… turns out my will was strong, so my pubes stayed intact.

The first track, Mercyful Fate’s “A Dangerous Meeting,” brought back the same memories of when I first heard “Zero The Hero.”  I mean, what did I actually expect?  Chris Barnes to start singing falsetto?  Well maybe, but is it really that wrong for me to ask him to at least try not to sound like a total dipshit while singing someone else’s songs?  Weh-hell-hell, apparently it is…

I got much of the same vibe on the second track, which is Anvil’s “Metal On Metal.”  You know, there’s a reason why Anvil never ‘made it.’  They are simply a terrible band… and this is a terrible cover.

Now that brings us to track 3, Metallica’s “The Frayed Ends Of Sanity,” which also happens to be one of my favorite Met songs ever.  I must say, the rhythm tracks are pretty solid, but the solo is pretty damn sloppy and ruins it all for me.  This doesn’t make much sense since, well, the solo IS overdubbed and it IS possible to re-record it if it’s played shitty.  On the brighter side, Gall is a better drummer than Lars.

Slayer’s “At Dawn They Sleep” is actually one of the better covers on the album, in my opinion.  Sure, it’s nowhere near as good as the original, but it somehow suits them well.  Don’t ask me why.  Oh, and Gall’s fill at the end isn’t bad either.

BTO’s “Not Fragile” just plain sucks.  Bad choice.  Very bad choice.

Oh yeah, the same goes for Van Halen’s “On Fire” and Exciter’s “Pounding Metal.“  On a roll, boys.  On a roll.

Until now… they actually redeem themselves with Twisted Sister’s “Destroyer.“  It might be the only song on the album that actually sounds like it could be an original.  For me, it translates pretty well… although I’m not totally convinced that J.J. French (or even Dee for that matter) would be proud to hear this.

“Psychotherapy” by the Ramones is pretty hard to butcher completely since, well, it is punk after all.  As someone I played it for told me, it “sounds like Cookie Monster does the Ramones.”  I can just picture that Sesame Street episode right now -  a bunch of little kids are dancing around like idiots while the Cookie Monster hardcore dances and growls into a microphone… where were these episodes when I was a kid???

I can’t really say that they end with a bang, but “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” isn’t too bad.  They do a decent job with the music, I think.  However, it’s another one of those songs where it doesn’t really matter how the vocals sound because the original ones weren’t that great to begin with (sorry Tommy, I didn’t mean to bring you into this).

All in all, that makes about 3 somewhat listenable covers on this entire album, which isn’t exactly good since that also means they’ve managed to successfully botch the other 7 songs, in my opinion. At this rate, there’s no reason to believe that this shit storm will stop, especially since this is already their third installment.  Hmmm… something tells me that they enjoy pissing on amputated legs.

Matt’s Rating:

King says: “Fuck these guys… they broke the oath.”

Have A Listen:

Six Feet Under – A Dangerous Meeting:

Download audio file (SFU_A_Dangerous_Meeting.mp3)

Despite mainstream television distancing themselves ever further from what’s cool, and a handful of other disappointing “metal” ventures, 2009 surely showed us a good time.

First and foremost, this was a killer year for releases from both veterans and young-bloods alike. Quality albums seemed to be dropping on a weekly basis (including some great re-releases), and the fall release schedule was unlike anything I’d ever seen… chock full of outstanding records from the likes of likes of Baroness, Immortal, Skeletonwitch, Slayer and more. There was barely enough time to keep track of everything, and I’m certain I’ll still be listening with fresh ears well into the new year.

This year also presented us with some amazingly well-crafted documentaries in Flight 666 and Anvil! The Story of Anvil. In addition to being extremely enjoyable, both films have received critical acclaim, and hopefully, helped dispel some of the bias towards metalheads worldwide (we’re not all dip-shit losers after all).

2009 has also given us a variety of cool things to spend our money on, including but not limited to: Mercyful Fate shoes, heavy metal cookbooks, Enslaved vinyl box sets, Precious Metal, and plenty of challenging tracks for the little plastic baby guitars we all own.

From the looks of it, 2010 will continue to ride the wave of awesomeness with new releases from Dillinger, High on Fire, Meshuggah, Nachtmystium, Torche (and more); as well as fantastic tours and another promising documentary for us to enjoy. Here’s to hoping we all continue to deliver. Happy New Year y’all.

Stay Heavy.

It’s Friday night, and I’m sitting in the Music Box Theatre on Southport Ave. with giddy anticipation. I’m waiting to see Anvil! The Story of Anvil, a film critics have called the “next great rock documentary”, and to top it all off, the stars of the film will be in attendance to answer questions afterward. Over the past few weeks, I had definitely fallen victim to the whirlwind of critical acclaim given to the flick, and despite never being a fan of the band itself, I figured the heart-felt combination of characters, music and story would be a proven winner. I was right, Anvil! The Story of Anvil is worth the hype, it is a great movie that really shows the power of music and how people live when they won’t give up their dreams.

Having missed Iron Maiden: Flight 666 earlier in the week due to the laws of supply and demand, I was determined to see this heavy metal epic. We arrived at around 7:30pm… for a 9:40pm show. This turned out to be a little too early, as I secured tickets easily and had lots of time to kill. The Music Box Theatre is a fantastic place, filled with history and charm, and the crowd is filled with a nice mix of hipsters, film buffs and hard-core Anvil fans. With a box of Swedish Fish and a large Diet Coke in hand, I was ready to rock.

The movie begins rapidly, introducing us to the founding members of Anvil, their brief history at the top, and their pedestrian lives now. We soon realize that drummer Robb Reiner and singer/guitarist Steve “Lips” Kudlow are not the heavy metal megastars they should have been, but aging rockers combining a numb existence with a drive for success that seems fruitless and ridiculous. We learn about the guys from the people close to them, their family, friends and devoted fans that have supported them through the thick and the very, very thin. From there we follow the band through a depressing gauntlet as they refuse to give up their dream of rock-stardom. There’s a European tour filled with empty bars and empty promises, an album recording session that tries their patience and bank accounts, and finally an offer from Japan at a final shot at redemption. All the while hearing the doubts from others, and ultimately themselves. It’s all very Spinal Tap-ish, and if it wasn’t real, you’d think they scripted the whole thing.

Anvil! The Story of Anvil is amazing and it deserves the credit it has received. I did feel the pace of the movie was a bit too fast, and that it hindered our need to understand Robb and Lips’ lifetime of frustration and failure. I really wanted to know more about where they have been, and more information on the blown and missed opportunities to make it big. You feel sympathetic toward Reiner and Lips, but since we do not know some of the struggles they’ve gone through, their characters at times border on parody. That being said, it is still a fantastic story and even if you’re not into metal, you can’t help but root for Anvil to succeed.

Mark’s Rating:

King says: “Unlike Anvil, my dreams are filled with foreboding visits from Grandma.”

Justin’s Review:

As an avid film fan and novice critic, I’m of the mindset that a solid docu/rocku/mocku should delve deep into the subject at hand, and present a well-rounded story or observation. While the story of Anvil appears to be a fascinating and invigorating Tragicomedy, the filmmakers of Anvil! The Story of Anvil have opted to present us with a “slice of the lives” of founding members Robb Reiner & Steve “Lips” Kudlow, rather than delving into the band’s (seemingly) rich 30-year history (which is thusly portrayed through 3 minutes of concert footage and a couple of half-assed interviews with Slash & Lars). Considering the film only clocks in at 90 minutes, I think there’s a whole lot more story to tell and room to tell it.

While it may sound like I’m being a little too particular, you have to realize that Anvil! The Story of Anvil is being touted as “A Masterpiece” and compared to the likes of “This is Spinal Tap“. I figure it’s my duty to give the film a little bit of shit that it probably deserves.

But for the most part, Anvil! The Story of Anvil largely succeeds in portraying the classic “band down on their luck” motif, inviting us into the compelling lives of two very charismatic individuals and their road to self-redemption. Pretty much everything Mark says above is spot on, and to rehash it any further would be wasting both of our time. Instead, I think I’ll head over to Best Buy, set up the tent and wait for the Flight 666 to hit the shelves (as well as put in my pre-order for Anvil! The Story of Anvil).

Justin’s Rating:

King says: “I know another band that influenced Metallica… and they too have a dvd in the works.”

“Anvil! The Story of Anvil” Official Trailer: