We’ll be back with more regular updates come hoodie season.

In the meantime, I challenge you to ponder the astounding complexity of this ad (found in last month’s Illinois Entertainer):

$5 to anyone who sends me a Rock Star Bunny demo cd.

Like most people who heard the name “Demented Ted” back in the early 90s, I instantly wrote the band off as some sort of joke… more than likely made up of pimple-faced teenagers who played half-assed-party-thrash.

It wasn’t until a few months ago and 5 hour conversation about metal with my buddy Bill (who is practically a Death Metal Encyclopedia on his own), that I actually heard Demented Ted; and WOW… did I ever judge the book by the cover. I know I am not alone in thinking that the band probably would’ve done a lot better for themselves with a name that more suited their crushing blend of Death/Thrash.

Ah well… their debut full length “Promises Impure” nicely sums up 90s Death Metal (in the vein of Death), and can still be purchased for dirt cheap.

As to where these guys are today is a bit of a mystery… some sites have members going on to play in a band called Beyond, while Wikipedia mentions ties to early 2000s Chicago Nü Metalers From Zero (I call bullshit on that one).

Either way… put your “shitty band name” judgments aside and check out Demented Ted.

Have A Listen:

Demented Ted – Existence Lies Beneath:

Download audio file (Existence_Lies_Beneath.mp3)

Chris’ Review:

If you were worried (like me) about the world’s supply of cover albums running low, give thanks to Six Feet Under and Metal Blade for issuing their third (third!!) edition of death metal versions of “Graveyard Classics.” I know I’ve been railing for years to anyone that would listen, “There is so much great metal and punk from the 1980’s, and nobody knows about it! Nobody’s marketing it! There’s a gold mine waiting to be discovered and respectfully elevated to its honorable status, and you’re all walking around like zombies controlled by the “new music” piping through you ear buds. Wake up!” Finally we have friends at Metal Blade that ‘get it’ and assigned a talented, young group of death metal musicians to show today’s metal fans what they’re missing.

Ok, I just listened to Graveyard Classics III, and I need retract everything written above. As a collection, the album is a sack of crap. A couple tracks are interesting, but have no chance at redeeming the rotting, audio turds that should have never been unearthed from the cesspit in which they festered. (Hey, writing death metal is fun!)

There’s almost no theme to the album, so I’m going to have to break it down for you track-by-track:

The opening cover of Mercyful Fate’s “A Dangerous Meeting” reminds you of how good Mercyful Fate’s songs are, but does not make you want to listen to Six Feet Under any more. Most decent 80’s metal songs sound tougher when recorded in a modern production style, but that’s a tribute to affordable studio electronics, not the band. The same could be said about most the tracks on here.

The first Canadian import comes from the re-discovered Anvil. “Metal on Metal” sucked then, sucks now.

The next two tracks are from Slayer and Metallica. These tracks are decent, but how could a death metal band of any skill screw up a classic thrash track? It’s like congratulating an asshole on being an asshole. It should just come natural.

Our next Canadian clunker comes via Bachman Turner Overdrive. Seriously? See “Metal on Metal,” above.

Now honestly, without sarcasm, I did kind of dig this version of Van Halen’s “On Fire.” VH albums are barely listenable to me, but a competent, metallic version of one of their faster songs will make you nod your head. Barnes’ ‘grandma’ vocals ruin it, though.

This Exciter song sure sucks. Something about it sucks extra hard, but I can’t put my finger on it. What could it be? Oh, here it is! Exciter is Canadian. See above. If they move the Buffalo Bills to Toronto, one of the conditions should be that Toronto also has to take Chris Barnes.

Nothing says ‘eighties’ like Twisted Sister. And nothing says “Six Feet Under is fucking with us,” like Chris Barnes growling, “He’s gonna kick your ass!” at the end of this track.

This cover of the Ramones’ “Psychotherapy” makes it really hard to convince non-metal fans that death metal is not a joke.

Finally we have the album closer, a closet classic from the 90’s, actually, Prong’s “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck.” Any fan of Headbanger’s Ball of a certain era remembers this song (I’m one of them.) Checking back to Prong’s Cleansing album, these guys sound like nu metal before it was nu. I’m not sure Prong ever received the respect that a band on the bleeding edge of a new style deserves, and I’m not sure this shitty cover is going to help with that.

In summary, this cover album goes as most cover albums go. It feels more like an attempt to milk some extra dollars from the fans, and doesn’t do the covered or the coverers much justice. I have an album of Black Sabbath songs played on sitars that’s just about the same thing; I’ve listened to it once.

Chris’ Rating:

King says: “I’ve got to start being more careful about who I give my publishing rights to. And what the hell is wrong with Canada?”

Matt’s Review:

I remember it well – about 16 years ago – when I first heard Cannibal Corpse’s cover of Black Sabbath’s “Zero The Hero.”  Even though I had been a Sabbath fan for quite some time (yes, even Ian Gillian-era), I had just started venturing into death and grindcore territory, as far as expanding my metal horizons was concerned. Regardless, I was still a green teenage musical whore and it didn’t take much for something to seduce my inner ear canals at that point, as long as it was heavy.  Needless to say, what can potentially be a very good thing can also be a very baaaaaad thing.  How else would you explain my brief love for Nuclear Assault?  Anyways, back to the point… I loved the first minute of the song.  It was heavier and doomier than the original.  Then the vocals came in.  That’s it.  That’s the end of my story.

Oh, I’ll just cut the crap already – I’ve never cared much for Chris Barnes as a vocalist (or as a musician for that matter).  Don’t get me wrong.  I know that his vocal style inspired a lot of other tone-deaf dude-bros with no sense of melody to start gutter-growling into a microphone, and for that I have to at least give him SOME form of props.  But like I said earlier, what can potentially be a good thing can actually be a giant shit sandwich exploding like an atomic bomb on a small country, radiating all sorts of shit-like deformities on everything and everyone it touches along the way.  Oh wait, that was the long version.  Sorry dude-bros, my bad…

After hearing the first two Graveyard Classics albums, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect on this one – heavier, down-tuned, unimaginative, pointlessly inferior versions of the originals with the same damn gutter-growling from start to finish.  Regardless, I was determined to keep an open mind and give the ole’ Six Feet boys a completely unbiased critique… assuming that I would be able to make it through the entire album without pulling all of my pubes out one-by-one, that is… turns out my will was strong, so my pubes stayed intact.

The first track, Mercyful Fate’s “A Dangerous Meeting,” brought back the same memories of when I first heard “Zero The Hero.”  I mean, what did I actually expect?  Chris Barnes to start singing falsetto?  Well maybe, but is it really that wrong for me to ask him to at least try not to sound like a total dipshit while singing someone else’s songs?  Weh-hell-hell, apparently it is…

I got much of the same vibe on the second track, which is Anvil’s “Metal On Metal.”  You know, there’s a reason why Anvil never ‘made it.’  They are simply a terrible band… and this is a terrible cover.

Now that brings us to track 3, Metallica’s “The Frayed Ends Of Sanity,” which also happens to be one of my favorite Met songs ever.  I must say, the rhythm tracks are pretty solid, but the solo is pretty damn sloppy and ruins it all for me.  This doesn’t make much sense since, well, the solo IS overdubbed and it IS possible to re-record it if it’s played shitty.  On the brighter side, Gall is a better drummer than Lars.

Slayer’s “At Dawn They Sleep” is actually one of the better covers on the album, in my opinion.  Sure, it’s nowhere near as good as the original, but it somehow suits them well.  Don’t ask me why.  Oh, and Gall’s fill at the end isn’t bad either.

BTO’s “Not Fragile” just plain sucks.  Bad choice.  Very bad choice.

Oh yeah, the same goes for Van Halen’s “On Fire” and Exciter’s “Pounding Metal.“  On a roll, boys.  On a roll.

Until now… they actually redeem themselves with Twisted Sister’s “Destroyer.“  It might be the only song on the album that actually sounds like it could be an original.  For me, it translates pretty well… although I’m not totally convinced that J.J. French (or even Dee for that matter) would be proud to hear this.

“Psychotherapy” by the Ramones is pretty hard to butcher completely since, well, it is punk after all.  As someone I played it for told me, it “sounds like Cookie Monster does the Ramones.”  I can just picture that Sesame Street episode right now -  a bunch of little kids are dancing around like idiots while the Cookie Monster hardcore dances and growls into a microphone… where were these episodes when I was a kid???

I can’t really say that they end with a bang, but “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” isn’t too bad.  They do a decent job with the music, I think.  However, it’s another one of those songs where it doesn’t really matter how the vocals sound because the original ones weren’t that great to begin with (sorry Tommy, I didn’t mean to bring you into this).

All in all, that makes about 3 somewhat listenable covers on this entire album, which isn’t exactly good since that also means they’ve managed to successfully botch the other 7 songs, in my opinion. At this rate, there’s no reason to believe that this shit storm will stop, especially since this is already their third installment.  Hmmm… something tells me that they enjoy pissing on amputated legs.

Matt’s Rating:

King says: “Fuck these guys… they broke the oath.”

Have A Listen:

Six Feet Under – A Dangerous Meeting:

Download audio file (SFU_A_Dangerous_Meeting.mp3)

Anyways… we made a valiant attempt to get Chris to give us his top 10 picks, but he kept saying something about the Saw 6 soundtrack, so we bumped him down to five. Enjoy, and Happy Holidays!

Mark’s List:

There were so many huge releases in 2009, it was hard to pick a top 10.  The year saw new music from metal’s heaviest hitters (Slayer, Cannibal Corpse, Megadeth, Mastodon, Anthrax) as well as comebacks from Alice in Chains and Immortal.  But ultimately, I believe 2009 will be remembered as when the new generation firmly took hold of the metal scene, as demonstrated by the outstanding releases from Skeletonwitch, Scale the Summit and Baroness.

10. Megadeth – Endgame (Roadrunner)
It’s no Rust in Peace Part-2, but with Endgame, Mustaine continues to prove that he can still crank out some great headbangers.
Check Out: This Day We Fight!

9. Slayer – World Painted Blood (American/Sony)
The second album since the return of Lombardo offers a new sound, but the same intensity.  One of the best album jackets/concepts of the year.
Check Out: Snuff

8. Devin Townsend Project – Addicted (Hevy Devy)
In a banner year for Devin, it’s the pop-metal soundtrack to a Anime-dream sequence (most likely depicting flight through a post-apocalyptic Japan).
Check Out: Hyperdrive!

7. Cannibal Corpse – Evisceration Plauge (Metal Blade)
Never ones to disappoint, Alex Webster and Corpsegrinder deliver the year’s most brutal offering.
Check Out: Carnivorous Swarm

6. Alice in Chains – Black Gives Way to Blue (Virgin/EMI)
Seattle’s finest create a comeback record worthy of the memory of Layne.
Check Out: Private Hell

5. Behemoth – Evangelion (Metal Blade/Nuclear Blast)
Negral conjures a maelstrom of demonic chaos that could easily convert anyone into a heretic.
Check Out: Ov Fire and the Void

4. Immortal – All Shall Fall (Nuclear Blast)
The Blizzard Beasts return with an incredible album that captures their focused and raw power.
Check Out: Arctic Swarm

3. Scale the Summit – Carving Desert Canyons (Prosthetic)
An instrumental masterpiece so rich in textures, tones and mood that it gets better with each listen.
Check Out: Dunes

2. Skeletonwitch – Breathing the Fire (Prosthetic)
A dominating statement from the Ohio thrash-masters.  An album that defines the term “thrash metal”.
Check Out: Submit to the Suffering

1. Baroness – Blue Record (Relapse)
Heavily layered with advanced concepts and dynamic playing.  Baroness once again delivers the album of the year.
Check Out: Jake Leg

Chris’ List:

Is a Top 5 acceptable?

5. Converge – Axe To Fall (Epitaph/Deathwish)
A somewhat fresh album from a familiar band that refuses to turn bad.
Check Out: Dark Horse

4. Cave In – Planets of Old (Hydrahead)
A four-song reunion works fine for me. Especially when the four songs kick tall ass.
Check Out: Retina Sees Rewind

3. Mastodon – Crack the Skye (Warner Bros.)
Bringing progress to Progressive Metal.
Check Out: Divinations

2. Baroness – Blue Record (Relapse)
The soundtrack that plays as my brothers and I descend to battle from snowy foothills astride armored polar bears, the perpetual winter sun smoldering unaware on a frozen, indifferent horizon.
Check Out: The Sweetest Curse

1. Propagandhi – Supporting Caste (Smallman)
Fast, angry, complicated. Even more so than before. The band affirms their category-defying musical identity, perhaps at the peak of their powers.
Check Out: Supporting Caste

Justin’s List:

Wow. What a fantastic year for metal. Narrowing this list down was quite a challenge… especially when I knew my top spot was reserved for a non-metal album. GASP! Yes folks… it’s true… my choice for album of the year goes to an indie rock band. But don’t worry… I’m not planning on wearing tight pants or reading Pitchfork anytime soon. In fact, I think I’ll carve “SLAYER” into my arm right now just to prove my self-worth. Eh… nevermind. That shit hurts.

10. Coalesce – Ox (Relapse)
15 years in, Coalesce continue to be one of the freshest sounding bands in the hardcore and metal community.
Check Out: Wild Ox Moan

9. Slayer – World Painted Blood (American/Sony)
Fast and raw… just how you probably like it. I know I do.
Check Out: Psychopathy Red

8. Converge – Axe To Fall (Epitaph/Deathwish)
As dynamic as it is heavy, Converge’s latest offering kicks you in the teeth before tucking you into bed. Awesome.
Check Out: Axe to Fall

7. Scale the Summit – Carving Desert Canyons (Prosthetic)
Remember the kind of music you and your friends were churning out in your early 20s? Yeah… it sucked compared to this.
Check Out: Sargasso Sea

6. Goes Cube – Another Day Has Passed (The End Records)
The Campbell’s Chunky Soup of the metal world… hearty and damn tasty!
Check Out: The Only Daughter

5. Baroness – Blue Record (Relapse)
Blue Record is one of those rare “all-emcompassing” albums. Great artwork, great music, great everything.
Check Out: The Sweetest Curse

4. Mastodon – Crack the Skye (Warner Bros.)
Like your beard, Crake the Skye really grows on you. And it totally rules.
Check Out: Oblivion

3. Revocation – Existence is Futile (Relapse)
These guys made me fall in love with shred all over again. When are we going to see the Existence is Futile tab book? (or vinyl for that matter… nudge nudge wink wink Relapse).
Check Out: Dismantle the Dictator

2. Skeletonwitch – Breathing the Fire (Prosthetic)
I Can Has Metal?
Check Out: Repulsive Salvation

1. The Life and Times – Tragic Boogie (Arena Rock/Hawthorn Street)
A non-metal album was my top choice of the year? Damn straight. Call me what you will, but me and my cred stand behind this decision. This band and album are absolutely amazing.
Check Out: Tragic Boogie

Honorable Mention:

Cave In – Planets of Old (Hydrahead)
Alice in Chains – Black Gives Way to Blue (Virgin/EMI)
Burnt By the Sun – Heart of Darkness (Relapse)
Buried Inside – Spoils of Failure (Relapse)
Propagandhi – Supporting Caste (Smallman)
Immortal – All Shall Fall (Nuclear Blast)
Cannibal Corpse – Evisceration Plauge (Metal Blade)

It’s not Revocation’s fault, but when I received their new album, “Existence is Futile“, I was told that it was possibly the metal album of the year. That got me interested, but then I punched their name into Google, and found scores of websites proclaiming Revocation as “The Next Big Metal Band”. Now, usually this tag can be more of a curse than a blessing, but I was excited to hear these guys and made certain to reserve judgment until I could sit down and fully experience the album. Could this band possibly live up to the hype that had been built? The answer, unfortunately, is “no“, and while I think “Futile” is quality stuff, it doesn’t stand out as anything that I would term ground-breaking, or even more than slightly memorable.

Revocation doesn’t tip-toe around what it wants to accomplish. It’s technical-death metal of the highest order, and they do create some very unique and cool song structures. Guitarist/Vocalist David Davidson mixes boatloads of great riffs with some old-school soloing reminiscent of early Death and Carcass. Phil Dubois’s drumming is extremely impressive, but it lacks that memorable fill or beat that defines a song. The vocals are solid, but not very dynamic and their overall presentation could cause them to be confused for a number of other bands. The band’s guitar tone comes alive on the instrumental “Across Forests and Fjords“, and the sweeping riffs and melodies in “Tragedy of Modern Ages” have been stuck in my head since I heard them. But that’s two songs out of 11, and while the rest are a collection of very precise and technical musicianship, they just don’t grab you.

So I’m not sure if a bad review of the album is fair to the band, because Revocation is obviously very talented and I’m sure they slay live. Is it more of a comment on the current American metal scene that we think of these guys as pioneers? The band reminds me of a lot of technical-death outfits such as Cryptopsy, Origin, or even The Faceless. All of these guys have a great sound and just punish you with an onslaught of perfectly-played notes, but ultimately just don’t have that little “wow-factor” that sucks you in and makes you regularly fire up their music. I still have hope for Revocation, but I feel that “Existence is Futile” just cant live up to the hype.

Mark’s Rating:

King says: “It’s tough to live up to what metal demands, we can’t all be The King…”

Justin’s Review:

While I may be slightly older than Mark, I think it’s safe to say I’m a tad less jaded… especially when it comes to buying into the hype that surrounds Revocation and their new album “Existence is Futile.” Granted… proclaiming a virtually unknown (at least in my book) band are potentially the “next great metal band” is a pretty tall order, but quite frankly, I doubt Revocation give two shits… and really, neither do I.

What I do care about… is a band that I’ve never even heard of cranked out one of the most riff-tastic (yet tasteful) metal albums in years. Before I dive into specifics, let me take a second to clarify my perception on “riff-tastic”. Mark mentioned The Faceless, and I think it’s a fair point of comparison (through not necessarily the same genre). The Faceless (who I will give props for their phenomenal technical skills) write riffs. Their songs are chock-full of them. In fact… that’s ALL their songs are. Just a shitload of riffs placed one after another in no discernible fashion (then played at warp speed). Extreme? Most Definitely. Memorable? Not a chance.

Which brings us to Revocation… yet another “technical” metal band in their mid 20s who (based solely on their logo and artwork) I probably wouldn’t even waste my time with. Well… you’ve all heard the old saying… “it’s best not to judge a book by its cover.” Truer words could not have been spoken. While Revocation too, feature songs chock-full of riffs (seriously some of the freshest I’ve heard in a looooonnnggg time), they also write killer songs. Despite Mark’s take on it, “Existence is Futile” is filled to the brim with songs that flow exceptionally well (Deathonomics, Leviathan Awaits), showcase astoundingly memorable riffs (Pestilence Reigns, The Brain Scramblers), and even feature a few welcome surprises (Dismantle the Dictator). To top it all off, closing track The Tragedy of Modern Ages features an outro that comes dangerously close (in terms of sheer awesomeness) to Opeth’s Deliverance or Meshuggah’s Straws Pulled at Random.

It’s tough to pin the band down to a specific sub-genre (there are elements of old-school, thrash, death metal, prog, and so on), but for fans of good old-fashion metal… Revocation delivers in spades. In addition to the fantastic riffs and songwriting, we’re treated to some formidable drumming, audible bass (hey… in metal that’s a definite plus!) and solos, Solos, SOLOS, SOLOS!!! (which of course, rule). The vocals are nothing to write home about, but for the most part, tend to be very well suited to the songs themselves (and the occasional gang vocals are a nice touch). All in all, if you’re looking for something to freshen up the old cd collection / ipod / record player (?) … look no further.

If Mastodon have taught the world of metal anything, it’s “screw the hype… we just do what we want.” Let’s hope Revocation follow suit.

Justin’s Rating:

King says: “Does it seem like I’m just giving out 5s like they were candy on Halloween? Possibly… but the one thing I know for sure is Existence is Futile is a real treat!”

Have A Listen:

Revocation – Pestilence Reigns:

Download audio file (Pestilence_Reigns.mp3)

Mark’s Review:

When Black Metal first hit the scene, I laughed and figured it was some sort ov joke. After reading Lords ov Chaos and hearing the stories ov guys burning churches and members ov Mayhem eating pieces ov brain after finding their singer lying in a dead heap after a self-inflicted shotgun wound made me laugh. Are these guys serious? Is there really NOTHING to do in Norway? Wow, they must really LOVE Satan! Then, there were the endless amount ov ridiculous Black Metal photos showing fake wooden swords, smeared corpse paint and fake blood. I figured it was all just a lame attempt to scare parents and the establishment. Then I went to see Manowar at Riley’s Rock House (RIP), and Immortal opened. After laughing at the thought ov the three ov them ordering Blizzards at the nearby Dairy Queen, they soon took the stage, and I was absolutely blown away. I remember in the bathroom afterward, there was a guy at the urinal next to me just muttering to himself, “Immortal… Immortal…“, definitely the sign ov a good performance.

Since then, I’ve dabbled in mostly “commercial” Black Metal: Dimmu, Emperor, Gorgoroth and Behemoth. Behemoth’s music appealed to me immediately; their songs were great, and I really liked the unending sonic onslaught they created. And since I enjoyed, Demigod and The Apostasy, I was looking forward to hearing their new album. Evangelion is heavy and fast as hell, and it’s probably their most complete album yet.

Daimonos is the ultimate album starter. Taking its cues from Hell Awaits, screams from hell swirl around to a boil before Nergal and company begin to destroy you. When the chorus chants begin, you’ll find yourself looking around the room for something to sacrifice. The drumming and guitars are so fast and tight, it’s like a buzz-saw that only wants to tear your flesh from your bones. Inferno’s drumming is just ridiculous, with or without the help of triggers. And unlike most black metal releases, the production is fantastic. Daniel Bergstrand and Colin Richardson managed to create heavy and organic tones from guitars and drums which are obviously very processed. Songs such as Lucifer and Alas, the Lord is Upon Me, show that they can still bring the evil when the speed is slower, but Behemoth really shines when they ramp up the BPM. No where is this more apparent then on the song Ov Fire and the Void, quite possibly one ov the best metal songs I’ve heard this year. It’s simply awesome.

Because I’m saving my “5 Kings” for the new Baroness, I cant quite give the album a perfect review. But I have to say, if you’re into what makes metal great, get Evangelion. It has all the speed, power and heaviness you’d expect mixed with great songs and a satanic vibe that is sure to scare parents and give you goosebumps.

Mark’s Rating:

King says: “If I’m ever in Poland and run out of chicken femurs, I’ll give these guys a call!”

Ed’s Review:

Poland has delivered a few amazing metal bands over the years without a doubt. After my soon-to-be wife turned me on to Decapitated (the infamous child prodigies of the Polish death metal underground) a few years back, I decided that I would give just about any band from this often ridiculed European region a chance. Enter BEHEMOTH who have apparently been placed in the “blackened death metal” category for quite some time now (huh?) much to my surprise. Perhaps I’ll get slapped by half of the message-board community (and probably be labeled a douche for saying this), but I didn’t even know this particular sub-genre existed. But I suppose I can understand it now – in Behemoth’s case, we are talking about a diabolically rich hybrid of black metal imagery and tone combined with the fierce and technical prowess of extremely brutal death metal, which is enough to make any weakling (or even reasonably upstanding citizen) squirm in his underwear indefinitely.

But seriously, no matter what sub-genre people are willing to toss around here, Behemoth have proven that they definitely have what it takes to match the metal with the face paint on their 9th studio album Evangelion. This is a very brutal slab of extreme metal that will probably have you reaching for the nearest pint of Żywiec the very minute it begins to thrash your head into a pulpy goiter.

Opening this ferocious riff-fest of an album are two blasting tracks of occult-laced mayhem sure to please anyone who can appreciate getting their face melted by this brand of metal. Particularly opener Daimonos slays with a magnificent velocity, then catches the ear with a breakdown solo eerily similar to the one in “Zero Tolerance” from Death’s Symbolic album (which I must say I almost busted a nut to). Shemhamforash is an all-out blast beat for the most part, ending with what sounds like a sitar (showing a possible Nile influence or maybe just an excuse to be weird and trippy – either way it works). Ov Fire and the Void, easily the album’s best track, is a grinding mid-tempo masterpiece with some classic textural guitar work overlapped with the speedy underbelly of Inferno’s kick-drumming, which brings to mind Decapitated at their best. And speaking of Inferno, this guy is a sick drummer. He’s so sick, he might need some extra face paint just to cover up how fucking talented he is, and in my opinion he may be the key to the quality of this record. My favorite guitar riff stands at the intro of Transmigrating Beyond Realms ov Amenti which is a loopy spiral of dischordant madness, down tuned and circling around Inferno’s impressive percussion. The album continues along this path consistently, with the top-notch production never taking away from the overall intensity (black metal “purists” please be forewarned: this is an absolute hi-fidelity production to the max, so if you are looking for 4-track white noise soaked in goats blood, be sure to look elsewhere). The only shortfall for me is the final track Lucifer, where the band tries their hand at doom metal, old-school style. The track seems a bit long and unnecessarily repetitive, although it could be far worse for a band of this caliber.

Ed’s Rating:

King says: “If I ever get a Polish scent hound, he shalleth be named BEHEMOTH!”

Behemoth – “Ov Fire And The Void”

(Warning… video NSFW)

Mark’s Review:

The crowd was interesting to say the least. It was an eclectic blend of “MySpace Metal” and guys that might have left their metal past go, and were searching frantically through their wardrobes for a t-shirt that said, “Hey man..I’m still pretty non-conformist!” Many of this latter group donned “Marshall” or “Zildjian” shirts, or they tried to out-metal each other by picking the “most obscure band” t-shirt they had (hence, it’s the most Dying Fetus and Nasum shirts I’ve seen at a concert). I also saw a guy with a leather Testament jacket SIGNED by Chuck Billy and Alex Skolnick (FTW!). But despite some differences, everyone in the crowd was there to see the grindcore masters Carcass return to the stage. It has been over 10 years since they last toured, and I’ve been waiting to see them since 1994. When I heard last summer that they were reuniting for some European shows, I hoped that maybe, just maybe, they might tour the states. When they announced the “Chicago-area” date, there was no way I was going to miss it. Hell, even if I lived in Gurnee I would’ve driven down! (PWNED!) Editor’s note: Touché.

Like any suburban venue, the Pearl Room in Mokena struggles to stand out against the larger, more credible Chicago concert halls. The promoters figured that in order to get fans to come out on a Sunday afternoon, they had to construct a bill that not only featured 5 opening acts, but a “second stage” that featured a wave of atrocious local acts playing rehashed and sloppy thrash metal. That being said, the Pearl Room is a great venue for metal. It has great sound, no seats, plenty of room and hot waitresses… so basically it’s the anti-House of Blues. Plus it’s near my hometown, and if it existed when I was in high school and living with my parents (or until I was 25 and STILL living with my parents), it would have been my Mecca and Valhalla all rolled into one.

After painfully tolerating the unending wave of opening acts, Carcass finally took the stage. Fill-in drummer Daniel Erlandsson started into Inpropagation, and suddenly I wasn’t 31 years old anymore. Despite my leased SUV and iPhone, I was transformed back to that nerdy, high school metalhead that was obsessed with Heartwork and Necroticism. Jeff Walker, Bill Steer and Michael Amott delivered in every way. The solos, the voice, and riff upon riff were all there as they blasted through classics such as Carnal Forge, Pyosified, Corporal Jigsore Quandary and Embodiment. Walker was hilarious in between songs with his dry British stage-banter, and because Steer was unable to sing most of his parts, he carried the load vocally. He sounded awesome, and the extra touches of reverb and delay produced some truly unbelievable screams. To every wankers delight, the guitarists added their own flair by exaggerating the squeals and bends to many of the Heartwork tunes… it was unnecessary, but so damn cool.

Everything about the show was a dream come true, the setlist, the venue and their performance. It was truly a return to power, and for me and many others a return to my youth. So I think this review will be an easy one:

Mark’s Rating:

King says: “Seeing Carcass play or seeing carcasses play?… either way you’re golden!”

Matt’s Review:

I must admit that I was initially a little bit shocked to see a packed house at 5:30pm on a Sunday evening behind the same Denny’s restaurant that I used to chain-smoke cigarettes and drink coffee in 15 years ago – back when I was just an awkward, acne-ridden, hormonally-challenged, moppy-haired, metalhead teenaged kid who pondered little about the future… other than trying to find someone over 21 who would be willing to buy my friends and I beer and (more) cigarettes before the weekend rolled around. Ah, the memories… it’s hard to believe that Carcass originally called it quits around that same time and – long after I lost the acne, the mop, and became a responsible adult (well, somewhat anyways) who still listens to a lot of metal – are just now getting back together for a full-fledged tour with 3/4 of the classic “Necroticism” thru “Heartwork” lineup intact.

We got there early enough to check out the opening bands Psycroptic, Samael, and Black Dahlia Murder – as well as a couple of other ’second stage’ acts in the other room of the venue not even worth mentioning, let alone writing a full sentence about. Although I never really got into Samael, they did sound solid overall. I was pretty blown away by the precisely virtuosic musicianship of both Psycroptic and Black Dahlia, although I could really do without both of their frontmen, which I will explain later…

For an increasingly jaded prick like myself, the anticipation to see a reunited Carcass was much stronger than I’ve felt for any other band in quite a while. Knowing the talent of all the musicians in the band, it was a given that I was going to see a group of finely-polished crafty veterans playing (at worst) respectable versions of their back catalog while I watched in comfortable content. Instead, I was enthusiastically blasted with an energy-filled non-stop onslaught from the first notes of the opening song “Inpropagation,” all the way up until the last notes of the closing epic masterpiece “Heartwork,” each and every song in between – such as Carnal Forge, Corporal Jigsore Quandery, This Mortal Coil, Embodiment, Incarnate Solvent Abuse, and Death Certificate, to name a few – flawlessly played with minimal stops in between. Frontman/bassist Jeff Walker’s voice has not lost an ounce of it’s punch and intensity after all these years. His humorously witty banter during the rare breaks was also a very refreshing change of pace from the meat-headed and cartoonishly predictable “I wanna see some action in that fuckin’ pit” yelping from the B.D.M. and Psycroptic frontmen before, during, and after every single friggin’ song. Fill-in drummer Daniel Erlandsson (Arch Enemy) proved to be more than capable of handling the job and is definitely one of the more solid metal drummers in the business, by far. The real treat for me though – being a guitar player and all – was seeing the flawless guitar virtuoso duo of Bill Steer (who was apparently sicker than a dog that night) and Michael Amott (who is apparently a redhead these days) in the flesh. Symposium of sickness and blood-red hair aside, it was truly an honor to be in their presence and be reminded of why I got a boner the first time I heard “Heartwork” as a teenager (I did say that I was hormonally-challenged, didn’t I?).

All in all, I couldn’t have possibly asked for anything better that night, except for maybe punching ‘that guy’ 10 feet behind us who kept insisting that every album besides “Reek Of Putrefaction” ’sucks balls.’ Ah well, I guess it could have been worse – Crowbar or Mortiis could’ve been the opening acts!

Matt’s Rating:

King says: “Vegans playing metal? What’s next, an evil clown singing about torturing little girls? B-B-Brilliant!”

Chris’ Review:

Although I can’t count myself among them, I have to think that this extensive video package is a treat for hardcore Cannibal Corpse fans. For the casual fan or uninitiated the documentary is entertaining, but three hours of interviews covering all things Cannibal Corpse is perhaps more than you need.

It may be hard to believe that the three-hour documentary, narrated entirely by interviews of dozens of people, leaves any stone unturned but I thought some subjects may have been a little light while many subjects were over detailed. For example, as legitimate of musicians as the fine young Cannibals were, I have to think much of the band’s early notoriety was owed to their offensive album covers and lyrics. Original singer and lyricist Chris Barnes gets credit for setting the standard for death metal gore, and it was even he alone who sought comic book artist Vince Locke to draw the dead babies and zombie porn record covers for their first three albums. These details were explained in the movie but no one, not even the execs at Metal Blade, admitted that these factors defined Cannibal Corpse much more than their ‘death metal songwriting.’ It becomes a cliche how “focused” the band was on “songwriting” for every album cycle, and how the production was even “more brutal” than the last album.

Vain as the film may be, the point is effectively made that Cannibal Corpse is a band with a work ethic and talent that has kept them relevant in the genre they helped create.

But their self unawareness persists: did anybody out there actually care that Cannibal Corpse was the band in the background on some scene in Ace Ventura? This is played up in the documentary like proof that Cannibal Corpse made it to the big time. For me, being the band that stands in when the script calls for ‘heavy metal band’ is not a notable achievement.

On the other hand, many important topics were covered: Credit to the band and the producers for not glossing over personal issues between the many former members of the band, while still keeping the details personal; the question of why so many death metal bands came from Florida was approached, if not answered; the fact that multiple members of Cannibal Corpse were former members of Monstrosity is addressed; Ice-T was interviewed. A detailed family tree of the late 1980’s death metal scene in Buffalo, New York was missing from my life, but that void has been filled. Actually the start of the documentary struck me as a good description of how any scene happened in the era just before websites, e-mail, and file sharing. Let’s just say there was a lot of copy machines, cassette tapes, and driving involved.

Again, the target audience for this material is obviously those who can’t get enough Cannibal Corpse, and whether it’s their techniques for making home movies or a guided tour of every place they ever practiced, the Centuries of Torment documentary delivers. Add four more hours of live concert footage, music videos, and extra interviews, and you’ve got quite a weighty package of death and gore.

Chris’ Rating:

King says: “I actually have a Hammer Smashed Face, that’s why I’m always wearing this shit.”

Justin’s Review:

Whether you’re a veteran hesher who’s still rocking out to that Butchered at Birth tape stuck in the cassette deck of your Z28, or his MySpace-haired-Job-for-a-Cowboy-loving-douche-bag kid… this DVD is for you.

I think it’s safe to say, if you’re a fan of metal… this DVD is for you.

Hell… if you’re a fan of DVDs… this DVD is for you.

In fact, I think I’m going to e-mail my mom right now and tell her to add it to her Netflix Queue.

Put simply… Centuries of Torment sets the new standard for quality music DVDs. Going well beyond your run-of-the-mill, multi-camera live show (combined with stupid backstage antics that no one gives a shit about), Centuries of Torment is an in-depth look at one of the world’s most vile group of nice dudes.

Disc one features a three hour Biography-style documentary, highlighting Cannibal’s sordid career… a fascinating look at their transition from stereotypical 80s burnouts to death metal masters, and everything in between. While it’s true, as Chris points out, that this is “perhaps more than you need”… it has to be said that this IS Cannibal Corpse we’re talking about. Not exactly the types to sugar-coat anything, let-alone their 20-year retrospective. In addition to detailing the highs and (hilarious) lows of their career, the film delivers a candid look at every Cannibal album, injecting studio footage, a wealth of interviews, and a brutal trip down memory lane.

Disc two features your run-of-the-mill, multi-camera live show(s) (combined with the parent-filmed, grainy basement shows of yester-year), spanning their entire career. Topped off with a heaping dose of Cannibal music videos, this disc is worth a once-through.

Disc three (also known as “Bonus Chunks“) contains a multitude of featurettes, ranging from the dissecting of Cannibal’s album covers, to brutal stories from the road, to sick individual member profiles. Pretty much every gory detail the historical biography didn’t cover (and then some). If learning more about narcoleptic bus drivers, partying with Cher, and Corpsegrinder’s nasty t-shirt funk sound as hilariously entertaining to you as they do to me, Bonus Chunks is definitely worth your time.

Between Sam Dunn and the fine folks who bring you Centuries of Torment, I think it’s safe to say we have a lot to look forward to in the world of metal on film. Let’s just hope that other filmmakers look to it for inspiration, as Centuries of Torment has raised the bar pretty fucking high.

Justin’s Rating:

King says: “This DVD got me so excited for Cannibal, I bought this “Skull Full of Maggots” collector’s cup off ebay!  It’s time for tea!”